Loop Reflect Portfolio (A comparison) - Final Reflection
The takeaway:
Erasmus has been a key experience for me, shaping me personally and professionally. I have grown from being cautious and overly analytical to taking calculative risks. Munich will always be a part of my experience and this reflection addresses the past critical Lisa and tells her, what she could have done better. Showcasing my ability to critique and evaluate my behaviour. Furthermore, I developed strong language skills and studied for the year, showing determination.
Gefühle (Feelings)
It may sound completely obvious but, Erasmus has felt like a whirlwind. It’s unbelievable that I have been able to make it this far and that through experiences I’ve had, have changed how I process information. To avoid sounding angst, I would like to confirm that I have changed. Erasmus has been fantastic and like I assume many others from the degree would have had the opportunity of meeting people who make the experience brighter. As well as the extended branch of support from family and friends back home which feels like further support, helping what feels like a hopeless cause. In this reflection, I would like to reference some older entries and take the time to consider how I may react now or what I would have changed, based on a now newer and updated version of what I now consider my experience.
Was ist los? (What’s wrong?)
I worried about fitting in or being an obvious standout, I worried that I may do something out of place to embarrass myself. I remember I had mentioned in my first reflection that there had been a few occasions where I was complained to for not following particular rules (Study Abroad Reflection 1 - Lisa Lucky). Through living here, I have in other words adapted or integrated. I did all of this stuff automatically and it was not something I had to overthink and consider. On the other hand, there are times I have observed in less busy areas, people completely negating these rules. This breeds the question, is it ever all genuine or as concrete as people perceive it to be? In similarity with everything else, there may be a suggested outline but it is never definite and applies to everyone (Au, 1999).
I want to consider this in parallel with my German. Through becoming more and more comfortable with the language, it is almost as though I have yet to discover parts of my personality. Whilst I believe that I will be forever anxious and that overthinking is my favorite pastime, I have been able to let go. I remember the day when I came home from those expressing their disappointment at me on the escalator (Study Abroad Reflection 1 - Lisa Lucky) , there is not much to say but I was quite emotional and I believe a huge part of that was from a build-up of having my familiarity evaporate. I look back and laugh as I realize this was all insanely light-hearted, it is cliche but what dampened the beginning of my experience was the inability to laugh at myself.
Was sind die Unterschiede dazwischen?! (What are the differences between that?!)
Like every other country outside of Ireland, there can be an expected difference (Torpe & Lolle, 2010); after all, we all take up space, there are bound to be a couple of expected discrepancies. During past studies, we were encouraged to understand the complexities and nuances of different cultures and even challenged to consider how we would act in culturally dispersed situations (Rozin, 2003). I remember during my first reflection, about my progress with German I had stated the obvious “The German language hugely differs from what we are taught in the classroom” (Study Abroad Reflection 1 - Lisa Lucky). I can apply this as well to culture. I believe that entering my Erasmus experience, I attempted to morph myself into a less sensitive version of myself. Heisbourg (2004) has categorized Germans to be a little more straightforward but emphasizes transcending lingual abilities.
Looking back, I can appreciate that I stayed naive and calculated as it allowed me to have my initial expectations shattered and challenged. Nothing can be categorized unless you have had first-hand experience and it’s tough to outline feelings and situations based on what other people say; Goodman et al., (1986) strengthens this concern and places a spotlight on the true effectiveness of group thinking.
Kulturen und Erfahrung (Culture and Experience)
I would like to dedicate a portion of this reflection to Frühlingsfest also. Until it was mentioned by a German friend, I had no idea that this existed so to speak. I arrived in Germany on the 3rd of October, marking the last day of Oktoberfest; King Ludwig (a prominent figure in German history), had gotten married in 1810; onwards he invited the residents within Bavaria to celebrate alongside him (Hemplers, 2019; Oktoberfest Tours, 2023). It was all that everyone could say to me before I left, boasting about Oktoberfest and how much fun it would be. Unfortunately, having arrived later, I missed it and was quite regretful of my missed experience. I can describe Frühlingsfest as a more secretive version of Oktoberfest. Not based around a king but agricultural prosperity, it seems like a more intimate celebration centered around townspeople (Traunsteiner Frühlingsfest, 2024). It appeared smaller in terms of area but very much seemed encapsulated with warmth and community. Being able to attend it was amazing and honestly, I am thankful that this was the first “Fest” that I experienced. The lead-up to this festival also included a discussion of “Dirndl” or “Lederhosen” by my friends and me, which is characterized as traditional German wear (Marriette Rough, Segway Guide and Dirndl Diva, 2015). Due to improper planning, I was unable to wear it but a discussion that seemed to come to fruition was not taking the culture into a clear perspective. I overheard some Germans complain about the volume of people there but were also quick to point out inauthentic efforts.
Neumayer (2017) discussed this in an article, speaking about such efforts; like every other culture, there is an emphasis on respect and caution. This article included examples of people who completely misunderstood the meaning behind the clothing and almost used it in a flamboyant light, treating it as some quirky characteristic (Neumayer, 2017). When wearing a Dirndl, making the effort to get one of quality that also shows respect to the history and the celebrating party amongst you, is an absolute must (Neumayer, 2017).
Overall, through living here, it has been interesting to have the opportunity to experience a culture outside my own as well as being challenged to understand and adapt to norms.
Schwierigkeiten bei der Anpassung (Trouble fitting in)
As expected, I felt different. I was away from family, and friends and expected to continue my education through another language. Whilst it was insanely difficult at the beginning, I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to grow, which this experience has given me. Across my past reflections, it seemed that I alluded to this constant struggle with language and understanding; whilst this is still prevalent, I have made peace with the fact that I will never understand everything (Study Abroad Reflection 2 - Lisa Lucky; Study Abroad Reflection 5 - Lisa Lucky). With that being said, even in my native tongue (English), I still run into problems when it comes to understanding. As long as I’m here, I feel as though I will fail to understand every few words but as long as my understanding is not impeded, I am more than satisfied.
I can relate this to a potential professional identity and who I may develop into in my future workplace. I believe that this can be attributed to seeing the bigger picture. When it comes to business, it is very true that details must be considered and that precision can play a very large part in a business’s ultimate success but obsessing over every little detail can breed negative feelings (Suter et al., 2022). Whilst I would find much better understanding in a business meeting through English, rather than German, in the hypothetical sense where I was in a meeting through German (as of now), being able to collect the general idea of said meeting would be the most important to me.
It has been so interesting to develop this idea and in my opinion, confidence within myself. I used to be so scared that if I did not overly listen, I would be missing out on something. Passively listening to a conversation and being able to not grapple to find its meaning was something that I had not previously experienced. Lectures, in German. Socializing in lectures, in German. Asking questions after class, in German. Drafting emails to professors, in German. The language which had all of a sudden surrounded me, in German and it was quite scary. Whilst Google Maps can at times fail to lead me to my desired destination, I must say it did wonders with me during the beginning of my experience. Signs, in German and I think this constant “in German” repetition is supposed to replicate the immersion that I got through living here. I had to adapt to something else yet again, but it was for the better.
I learned to contribute, in German, and express my views and concerns in German. Whilst my grammar is far from perfect and is always in dire need of improvement, it is mine. It is my ability and it is a representation of how much I have developed since I arrived. I remember when I was too afraid to speak and I refused to start any conversation through the target language, I saw no point in trying (Study Abroad Reflection 1 - Lisa Lucky). It is something that Yalçın and İnceçay (2014) research as they describe potential factors that come in conjunction with fear that language learners have when it comes to speaking; they believe a perfect moment must ensue to start speaking. I would like to say that through my development of speaking German, I have become much more confident with setting boundaries and being more direct. I highly attribute this to limited vocabulary in comparison with your average native speaker but it seems to be the truth.
Verbesserung oder nicht? (Improvement or not?)
Naturally, I am still conscious but my progress has indubitably placed confidence in me which I never thought I’d have. Honestly, whilst I give praise to the language classes that I have taken in my first semester, I believe a lot of my development came with jump-starting conversations with random people. This would include asking an employee in the store where something is, asking someone for directions or even turning to a student next to me in class to ask for a page number or to reiterate what is being explained by a teacher. It sounds dramatic but these feelings of vulnerability and trust that I would ask the right question or phrase the question even in a correct manner have allowed me to grow and become much more acquainted with my new environment (Study Abroad Reflection 1 - Lisa Lucky).
Sie müssen sich selbst verbessern! (You have to improve yourself!)
Something I would also like to bring up about my older reflections would be how I felt guilty for making plans with friends as I worried that I was “losing allocated time to study” (Study Abroad Reflection 2 - Lisa Lucky). When I look back on this reflection, I get such a wave of sadness. It is not easy to hide that I place a lot of importance on my academia and I believe it was a center of concern regarding most of my entries. Despite stating on my third reflection when I talked about an overconcentration on one objective during Erasmus meaning that I essentially lost the essence of what it means to be an Erasmus student, I never actually took this insight and applied it to myself (Study Abroad Reflection 3 - Lisa Lucky). I continue to feel awkward about dedicating time to matters outside of my studies. I cannot pretend that my final entry shall conclude with everything being fixed and that I am greatly optimized as a human being. I still have a path to go and many improvements to make. One of which is centered around networking and taking opportunities to talk and connect with new people.
I want to take opportunities to meet new people, and not only socialize for the goal of increasing my circle but also with consideration for my future. Last year, TUM promoted “TUM Career Day” (TUM Community, n.d). This was something lecturers tended to bring to our attention a few times before the lectures started and I had thought it would be a great idea. Whilst my German was not perfect and I assumed I would humiliate myself there, I was still new to school here, and organizing myself was an absolute nightmare, leading to me not going. There seems to be another one on its way next month which I would like to attend (TUM Community, n.d). This time I am not afraid to look a little confused, ask questions, and realize how advantageous it is to be in attendance with this school. Services also include checking your CV, and advising career paths, and is honestly something which I am looking forward to and considering (TUM Community, n.d).
Herausforderungen (Challenges)
Last but not least, challenges and difficulties. That is very much expected when pursuing a life in a brand new country with little assistance by your side. Alongside the difficulty of adapting to my new life, I would also say that leaving family and friends behind was at times unbearable. I bring this to attention because whilst the excitement of everything new made me look forward to what could come, I was moved from what was “my” life to having to start all over again. Whilst in due time, I was able to make friends and build connections, the first couple weeks onwards a month were a little bleak in the social department. Through this, I slightly became accustomed to doing things by myself, whether it was eating in restaurants, going to the library, or something of the sort, it was done on my own. I now realize how imperative this was to my growth and how it pushed me to try something new. Since I had familiarity in Ireland, I wouldn’t have imagined doing all of this alone but I do believe it contributed to my confidence and how I may have appeared in the public view.
Letzte Gedanke (Final thoughts)
If I was to advise myself at the start, I would say; always go for it. Do not be scared, as there is so much to see and do. Even if you have to do some of those things by yourself for a little while. It’s okay to feel isolated and it’s okay to genuinely miss everything, all at the same time but most importantly, try to value being happy. Erasmus has brought the best and the worst type of moments of my life to fruition but I am thankful for every experience thus far.
References
Au, K.Y., (1999). ‘Intra-cultural variation: Evidence and implications for International Business’, Journal of International Business Studies, 30(4), pp. 799–812. doi:10.1057/palgrave.jibs.8490840.
Goodman, P, Ravlin, C and Argote, L., (1986). “Current Thinking About Groups: Setting the Stage for New Ideas”, Carnegie Mellon University, Research Showcase @CMU. Available at: https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/document?repid=rep1&type=pdf&doi=4acb55ba4c80743b55a039607bea874648a6e59b [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Heisbourg, F., (2004). ‘The French‐German duo and the search for a new European security model’, The International Spectator, 39(3), pp. 61–72. doi:10.1080/03932720408457084.
Hemplers., (2019). Oktoberfest: History and traditions - hempler’s foods, Hempler’s Foods - Naturally, we’re pleased to meat you. Available at: https://hemplers.com/oktoberfest-history-and-traditions/#:~:text=Oktoberfest’s%20roots%20can%20be%20traced,large%20feast%20and%20horse%20races. [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Marriette Rough, Segway Guide and Dirndl Diva., (2015) Understanding traditional German clothes: Lederhosen and dirndl, Fat Tire Tours. Available at: https://www.fattiretours.com/german-traditional-dirndls-and-lederhosen/#:~:text=German%20traditional%20attire%20is%20generally,of%20old%2Dschool%20German%20threads. [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Neumayer, E., (2017). Can I wear a traditional dirndl if I’m not German?, Rare Dirndl. Available at: https://raredirndl.com/blogs/inspiration-trends-recipes/can-i-wear-a-dirndl-if-i-m-not-german [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Oktoberfest Tours., (2023). Oktoberfest 2023 in Munich: What you need to know, Oktoberfest Tours. Available at: https://www.oktoberfesttours.travel/oktoberfest-2023/#:~:text=When%20is%20Oktoberfest%202023%3F,the%20first%20Sunday%20of%20October. [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Rozin, P., (2003). ‘Five potential principles for understanding cultural differences in relation to individual differences’, Journal of Research in Personality, 37(4), pp. 273–283. doi:10.1016/s0092-6566(02)00566-4.
Suter, J., Irvine, A. and Howorth, C., (2022). ‘Juggling on a tightrope: Experiences of small and micro business managers responding to employees with mental health difficulties’, International Small Business Journal: Researching Entrepreneurship, 41(1), pp. 3–34. doi:10.1177/02662426221084252.
Torpe, L. and Lolle, H., (2010). ‘Identifying Social Trust in cross-country analysis: Do we really measure the same?’, Social Indicators Research, 103(3), pp. 481–500. doi:10.1007/s11205-010-9713-5.
Traunsteiner Frühlingsfest., (2024). Historisches, Traunsteiner Frühlingsfest. Available at: https://ts-fruehlingsfest.de/historisches/#:~:text=Das%20Fr%C3%BChlingsfest%20in%20Traunstein%20hat,Volksfeste%20in%20der%20Region%20entwickelt. [Accessed May 10th 2024].
TUM Community., (n.d). Career Day, TUM Community. Available at: https://www.community.tum.de/en/career-service/career-day-en/ [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Yalçın, Ö. and İnceçay, V., (2014). ‘Foreign language speaking anxiety: The case of spontaneous speaking activities’, Procedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences, 116, pp. 2620–2624. doi:10.1016/j.sbspro.2014.01.623.
Past Reflections which I referred to:
Lisa Lucky - “Study Abroad Reflection 1”. Available at: https://reflect.dcu.ie/view/view.php?id=340060 [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Lisa Lucky - “Study Abroad Reflection 2”. Available at: https://reflect.dcu.ie/view/view.php?id=340060 [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Lisa Lucky - “Study Abroad Reflection 3”. Available at: https://reflect.dcu.ie/view/view.php?id=340060 [Accessed May 10th 2024].
Lisa Lucky - “Study Abroad Reflection 5”. Available at: https://reflect.dcu.ie/view/view.php?id=340060 [Accessed May 10th 2024].